i had something else planned for the blog today. something peppy. something exciting for me…a little recap of awesome things from 2013. but this past week i’ve had a heavy heart and i’ve had heavy things on my mind. when i sat down to do this blog post i just couldn’t seem to find the right words to talk about my accomplishments or fun and exciting moments.
sometimes life throws you a curve ball. sometimes horrible senseless things happen. sometimes you have to take a moment and take it all in. let it sink into your pores and feel it. have a good cry. wrestle with feelings of guilt, of loss, of not knowing what to say or do, of not having any answers.
you see this past week one of my dear friends lost her love, the father of her children, to a senseless, unthinkable act. and my heart is heavy. for her. for him. for their children.
this week i have been reminded of just how fragile life is. how beautiful and messy and chaotic and lonely it can be. this week has been a reminder of the importance of telling those you love that you love them. don’t just think it. don’t just have the intention. actually do it. this week has been a reminder of friendship, of senseless loss, of how heavy a heart can be, of helplessness in watching others grieve and not knowing what to say or do.
i have been examining my own life, questioning every single decision i’ve made. am i living a life of importance? am i living a life of authenticity? if it was all taken away tomorrow could i look at it and know that i had done my best? have i said enough “i love you’s”? have i given enough hugs and kisses? have i been honest? have i lived beyond intention and followed through with action? have i spoken my truths? have i reveled in life’s small beautiful moments? or have i overlooked them and held out for those big moments? have i forgiven? have i lived out of fear? have i really loved? have i really lived?
lessons–say the words I LOVE YOU. all the time. to everyone you love. follow through with the actions of loving someone. loving someone is great. saying you love someone is even better. but actually following through with loving them means so much more. pick up the phone and call them. schedule a lunch or dinner or weekend together. make time to be together. put down your phone and put away the distractions and BE with them. really listen to them and stop being so self absorbed. put their needs above yours. celebrate their victories. be the shoulder to cry when they need it. be the best you that you can be. think about what you really want out of your life and in your life. and do it. do more of what is important. improve yourself. be the person that you would want a friend or a lover to be. take care of those you love- emotionally, physically, financially. don’t take advantage…of anyone and especially those you love. remember to live your life- all the experiences. the little experiences and the big ones. look for the beauty in every breath you take. look for the beauty that is everywhere…if you only just took to time to really see it. slow down.
now…stop wherever you are. close your eyes. take several deep breaths. think of everything that you are grateful for. set a new intention to live your best life yet.
I love you!