quote of the week:
“We pay a heavy price for our fear of failure. It is a powerful obstacle to growth. It assures the progressive narrowing of the personality and prevents exploration and experimentation. There is no learning without some difficulty and fumbling. If you want to keep on learning, you must keep on risking failure – all your life.”
– John W. Gardner
my fear of failure at times seems insurmountable. it feels like i’m in the ocean…waves crashing on my head. i take a breath and go under again. i come up, catch my breath, another wave crashes, and down i go again. the cycle of rejection, failure, hardships, stress, life, everything on replay. with every cycle my sense of fear is heightened. my breathing becomes shallower. my heart races. my self doubt increases. the little voice inside my head that says “i’ll never make it” gets louder. it’s screaming in my ear.
for a long time i let my fear of failure, my fear of the unknown, control my life. i let it guide my decisions. i let it keep me living small, being small. i’ve lived in awe of the go-getters. those people who defy boundaries. those people who say the rules don’t apply to them. I’ve made dozens of excuses for my fears. i’ve told myself and others so many stories as to why i can’t do certain things. i’ve settled. over. and over.
somewhere along the way i heard this- “if you knew you could not fail…what would you do?” and it’s something that i repeat to myself all the time. at this point in my life…living in fear is no longer an option. failure will happen. failure will happen and i will pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.
highlights of the week:
* can you believe that it snowed like crazy just last monday? nuts! in the middle of that crazy snow i decided to do snow portraits…and i’m so glad i did!! it was so much fun.
* i got the chance to meet up with a photographer friend last week that i had been trying to get together with for a year. time flies. it was so nice to catch up. part of my agenda for my year is to keep up with my friendships and relationships better. life happens so fast and i feel at times like it’s the people who mean the most that get the short end of the stick in my life. trying to be more intentional this year!
* last friday i drove down to richmond and spent the afternoon with my Dustin. man i miss him! we chatted for hours about our lives, making art (him music, me photography), relationships. we ate gluten free pie and cake at garnett’s cafe and sipped on iced mint sweet tea and mint lemonade. (make sure you try garnett’s sometime. it’s seriously AWESOME). we went grocery shopping. and i’m so so happy that my 19 year old son took the time to spend a few hours with his mother. it’s really an amazing thing…truly liking the man your son has turned into. he’s one of those people that i would choose to have in my life even if he wasn’t mine. he challenges me and makes me think bigger. he makes me laugh..out loud…often. i love him and would sing his praises (like any good mom would do) but he himself, all that he is, amazes me and makes me like him even more every day.
* i’ve been on a birthday countdown for a week now. (tomorrow is the BIG day) and i’ve been keeping everyone on fb and instagram updated on my birthday list. i’m still hopeful on my fluffy kitten or piggy. believe me if i get one the internet will know it!!!!!!!!!!!
* my awesome friends dee and jim had a little early birthday celebration for me yesterday and temara baked me a gluten free birthday cake!!!!!!! woot!!!!!! woot!!!!!! so yummy!!!!!!!!! and i did get an orange kitten with a bow tie bag (that contained the vodka that will get me through tomorrow. LOL)
* since i am redoing my blog and website and branding i decided to have some new photos taken of myself. to make it extra fun i had it done today, the day before my birthday. i wanted to feel extra pretty and fancy and stuff. orange and gold is the theme for my life these days! so i painted my nails to match and had lots of options. can’t wait to share more of my shoot with the fabulous ali caudill photography. it was so much fun!!!! and i have to give out mad props also to kristen with go go gorgeous makeup for fabulous hair and makeup today.
* i decided since i felt so pretty today that i wanted some photos with my savannah. after she got home from school we fixed her hair and makeup and had adam take a few photos of us. here’s one…it’s our serious faces..and i flipping love it!!!!!!
