I haven’t blogged in a long time and I know that I shouldn’t start back from my hiatus with a person post. However….I’m going to do it anyway and I’m starting with an intensely personal post. Honestly I do this to just get it out of the way. I feel like coming clean (so to speak) with me is a way to start again with a clean slate for the year. I promise more pretty weddings and cute babies soon!!!!!!
It’s been a really really hard start to the year for me. That rough start came after a rather emotionally taxing year last year so I’m all out of sorts. I’ve been collecting my thoughts and working through everything, trying to find my way again. I’ve been trying to figure out my new life plan. I am a very sensitive person and I take things hard and I feel everything intensely…so it comes as no surprise to me that emotionally I’ve been feeling like a mess. I promised myself that I would get back this year to photographing personal things that came from my heart. I want to regain my voice in my personal photography. I’ve often taken self portraits as a way of expressing myself and I figured that perhaps the easiest way for me to start working through my heartache was to photograph it. They say start from where you are with what you know. And photography, and feeling…they’re what I know.
I took a picture once so that I could always remember that day. I wondered if the fissure in my heart could somehow be seen on my face. Would my once clear eyes give me away, so filled with their regret? Was the pain that raced through my body visible through my translucent skin? Would emptiness and longing fill my mouth and bubble out like a rabid dog? Had all those tears etched paths down my cheeks leaving a new map of my brokenness?
I took a picture once to remember that day…so I could remind myself that I was still there. To remind myself that it was all real.